eleanorjane: The one, the only, Harley Quinn. (Default)
[personal profile] eleanorjane posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
(From here.)

DEAR CAROLYN: My 11-year-old daughter is going through a phase right now of extreme, black-and-white thinking. Right is right and wrong is wrong. This is challenging sometimes.

My mother-in-law loves to host but it’s pretty obvious she buys entire meals pre-packaged from a grocery store chain and passes them off as hers. The adults just pretend we don’t know.

Earlier this week my sister-in-law brought this up in a joking way and she, my husband, and I had a laugh about it. Well, my daughter heard this and confronted us about Grandma’s cooking. We tried to explain to her that it’s a kindness not to say, “You didn’t take the garbage out so I saw the takeout containers.” My daughter replied with, “So when you told Grandma her potatoes tasted good, it was a lie?”

She is right, really. We all sort of lie, and so does Grandma.

My daughter told us in no uncertain terms that she will not pretend that Grandma cooked the meal. She is also rather frosty toward us for our willing participation in this, her word, charade, and asked, “What else has Grandma been lying about?”

My husband thinks we should just let this play out, and that our daughter will not be able to look her grandmother in the eye and actually say this stuff. I am almost positive our daughter will say this stuff, and maybe we should warn his mother. Any advice?

We All Sort of Lie

DEAR WE ALL SORT OF LIE: Off the record, please don’t correct your future journalist/scientist/prosecutor too successfully.

On the record, the most important thing here is your daughter’s socialization. You can accomplish that whether you warn Grandma or not — because the consequences of not warning her just aren’t that dire, and because your mission is unchanged regardless. Your daughter has forced you to defend beliefs you probably haven’t examined for a long time, if ever, as kids do so mind-blowingly well.

So find a way to justify your approach to honesty that withstands scrutiny … or admit your daughter is right. “It’s a kindness” is fine as far as it goes, but where specifically are the lines between cruelty and kindness, and kindness and deceit?

Whether you tip off Grandma or let her startled face be part of your daughter’s education, the next dinner will be instructive for your daughter.

So, yeah, I’m giving you nothing. Tell us how it went!
cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
[personal profile] cereta posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn,

I am at my wits' end with family drama. I will spare you the very long and ugly details and start with the most recent heartache.

My husband's daughter from a previous marriage invited our son and his wife and 2-year-old to spend the weekend with them since they were going to be in town for a wedding. His wife accepted. My husband has been estranged from this daughter for over two years. She lives down the street from my husband and me.

When my son and his family arrived, they went to lunch with my husband and stayed through the evening with us. It was a lovely time. Our little granddaughter even went into "her room" and told her dad she wanted to sleep in her bed. It was cruel to see her cry when she had to leave and go to my stepdaughter's house.

My husband is furious. His feelings are crushed and he is angry they would subject her to such nonsense. My husband feels they have been disloyal to him by staying with his estranged daughter.

I have expressed to my son how I felt about his staying with his half-sister. Not because of her so much as how wrong it feels to me to not stay with us. After we are dead and gone, he will have time to stay with his half-sister.

My first thought was to leave town before they got here so I could avoid the whole ordeal. Now, my husband and I have hurt feelings, plenty of tears to go around, and lost sleep over this.

Heartbreak seems to follow wherever my stepdaughter is concerned. I don't want to alienate my daughter-in-law because she will cut my granddaughter out of my life. How can I manage to keep the peace and not "betray" my husband in the process?

-- C.

Your argument, recapped: It's your stepdaughter's fault that she wants to spend time with her brother. Except the part that's your daughter-in-law's fault for saying yes.

Maybe you won't like it in those words, but that's what you're saying -- and it's impressive that you're able to present this without attributing any drama to the man who was "crushed" and "angry" and suffering "tears ... and lost sleep" at the "ordeal" of witnessing the "cruel" and "disloyal" "nonsense" of a child "subject[ed] to" ...

[theatrical pause]

A planned visit to her aunt's house.

After spending an entire day with you two.

Drama, thy name is Grandpa.

I can understand your powerful incentive not to see this; even thinking it opens you to accusations of betrayal from your wounded husband, no doubt. And more tears and sleepless nights and garment-rending and whatever other tactics he uses to keep you emotionally at his service.

But the longer you remain faithful spokesbot for your husband -- or for Stockholm Syndrome -- and declare with a straight face that your son can't sleep at his sister's house until you're dead! (you really said that!), the more soul-rebuilding you'll need when you see the view I've got from here: that you've been devoured by your husband's narcissistic fantasy world.

Even if I'm way off, your family dynamic is still way off. Please find a well-recommended family therapist and go. Just you. Unspool those "very long and ugly details."
katstevens: (dogswim)
[personal profile] katstevens posting in [community profile] rglondon
Archie's, Deptford, London SE8
Evening RGLers!

This week's featured article is for Archie's cafe in Deptford, presumably named because it's located in a railway arch and specialises in cheese (cheese sandwiches, macaroni cheese, cheesecake etc) which makes me wonder what their marketing team's crossed-out suggestions were. "Deptford Brie-dge"? "Caerphilly Does It"? "Better The Breville You Know"? All fine names, feel free to use any of them for your own cheese-based establishment.

New to RGL this week is Jashan, a veggie Indian restaurant near Wembley Central. From the sounds of it our reviewer's experience wasn't quite as they'd hoped for - usually Wembley-based disappointments are caused by sport rather than chilli mushrooms, so perhaps Jashan was just having an off day?

big gay ebooks

May. 22nd, 2017 01:10 pm
runpunkrun: dana scully reading jose chung's From Outer Space, text: read (reading)
[personal profile] runpunkrun posting in [community profile] ebooks
The Big Gay Fiction Giveaway is back! May 22-29, around 80 authors are giving away free books, short stories, chapters, and box sets.

It's run by Instafreebie, which means you give them an email address, they sign you up for a newsletter, and you get a DRM-free epub, mobi, or (sometimes) pdf sent to you. It's pretty painless except for all the newsletters you'll then belong to.

Garden Check-In

May. 20th, 2017 05:05 pm
bridgetmkennitt: (Chocolate Sprinkled Cupcake)
[personal profile] bridgetmkennitt posting in [community profile] gardening
How is your garden going so far? Is it looking great? Is the weather fighting you or working with you?

Pink Hair

May. 20th, 2017 08:19 pm
flowerfuck: (faerie)
[personal profile] flowerfuck posting in [community profile] create_my_comm
Is there a comm for pink hair? There was a great one on LJ but it's kind of died off in the last half a decade or so. Whenever I type "pink hair" into the search bar here on DW, the only things that come up are LazyTown fan comms.

Crowdfunding Creative Jam

May. 20th, 2017 01:45 am
ysabetwordsmith: (Crowdfunding butterfly ship)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith posting in [community profile] crowdfunding
Welcome to the sixty-second Crowdfunding Creative Jam! This session will run Saturday, May 20-Sunday, May 21. The theme is "Baker's Dozen."


Crowdfunding Creative Jam

Everyone is eligible to post prompts, which may be words or phrases, titles, images, etc. Prompters may request a specific creator, but everyone else may still use that prompt if they wish. Prompts may specify a particular character/world/etc. but creators may use the prompt for something else anyway and post the results. Prompters are still encouraged to post mostly prompts that anyone could use anywhere, as this maximizes the chance of having creators make something based on your prompt. Please title your comment "Prompt" or "Prompts" when providing inspiration so these are easy to find.

Prompt responses may also be treated as prompts and used for further inspiration. For example, a prompt may lead to a sketch which leads to a story, and so on. This kind of cascading inspiration is one of the most fun things about a collective jam session.

Everyone is eligible to use prompts, and everyone who wants to use a given prompt may do so, for maximum flexibility of creator choice in inspiration. You do not have to post a "Claim" reply when you decide to use a prompt, but this does help indicate what is going on so that other prompters can spread out their choice of prompts if they wish.

Creators are encouraged, but not required, to post at least one item free. Likewise, sharing a private copy of material with the prompter is encouraged but not required. Creative material resulting from prompts should be indicated in a reply to the prompt, with a link to the full content elsewhere on the creator's site (if desired); a brief excerpt and/or description of the material may be included in the reply (if desired). It helps to title your comment "Prompt Filled" or something like that so these are easy to identify. There is no time limit on responding to prompts. However, creators are encouraged to post replies sooner rather than later, as the attention of prompters will be highest during and shortly after the session.

Some items created from prompts may become available for sponsorship. Some creators may offer perks for donations, linkbacks, or other activity relating to this project. Check creator comments and links for their respective offerings.

Prompters, creators, and bystanders are expected to behave in a responsible and civil manner. If the moderators have to drag someone out of the sandbox for improper behavior, we will not be amused. Please respect other people's territory and intellectual property rights, and only play with someone else's characters/setting/etc. if you have permission. (Fanfic/fanart freebies are okay.) If you want to invite folks to play with something of yours, title the comment something like "Open Playground" so it's easy to spot. This can be a good way to attract new people to a shared world or open-source project, or just have some good non-canon fun.

Boost the signal! The more people who participate, the more fun this will be. Hopefully we'll see activity from a lot of folks who regularly mention their projects in this community, but new people are always welcome. You can link to this session post or to individual items created from prompts, whatever you think is awesome enough to recommend to your friends.

Done

May. 17th, 2017 11:50 am
ceb: (Default)
[personal profile] ceb posting in [community profile] qec
Worldcon
* flight passport faff
* checked in for flight
* paid for dinner

Supernatural

May. 16th, 2017 07:27 pm
vexed_wench: (SPN - Dear Mary)
[personal profile] vexed_wench posting in [community profile] create_my_comm
I'm surprised that that aren't more SPN coms. Am I missing them? MY LJ used to be jam packed with SPN coms.

Done

May. 16th, 2017 06:07 pm
ceb: (Default)
[personal profile] ceb posting in [community profile] qec
* visited niecephews
* took niecephews climbing
* posted cheque off to bank
* emailed CUSFS

Worldcon
* emailed re scifikirppis
* msgd H re shipping
* looked up fireproofing info
* booked August flight (Sat 5th)
* emailed shippers
* emailed facilities re fireproofing
ewan: Star (Default)
[personal profile] ewan posting in [community profile] rglondon
Hello and welcome back as RGL takes you to...

The Teapot, Forest Hill, London SE23

Leafy Forest Hill, where our featured article, cafe Teapot, SE23 3HF, awaits you. It's not big, but it will do you a good panino, and child-friendly portion sizes if you have children with you, which you may not.

There's a new entry for Jackson and Rye, a chain bar/restaurant in Richmond. I know there's one in Soho, as I've walked past it many times, but that's not a review. You can follow the link for that but be warned, there is a distinct lack of blueberries.

Finally, the reported permanent closure of Matsuri, a teppanyaki restaurant in St James's, by Piccadilly. You might miss some of its excellent food, but you won't miss the prices.

last gasp harvest

May. 15th, 2017 08:05 am
tielan: (AVG - maria)
[personal profile] tielan posting in [community profile] gardening
Report from a late summer garden (in the southern hemisphere):

Harvest and planting for winter.

My area in Australia is mild enough that cool-weather leafy greens do pretty well over winter, so long as you protect them from frost.

I know most of you equatorially-north folks are just getting into planting times for your gardens - what do you plan to grow this year (and how's that coming along), and is there anything new you're going to try this growing season?

Speaking for myself, I'm trying to grow: cabbage, cauliflower, bok-choy, raab broccoli (I've never had luck with regular broccoli), rocket, brussel sprouts, onions (both the ones you use the leaf stalk and the ones you store the bulb), carrots, parsnips, sugarbeet, and the usual run of beetroot (which I have finally worked out how to cook: bake in individual wrappings of foil, and then after 40 mins, put a dob of butter on top and bake for another 40 mins).
cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
[personal profile] cereta posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a guy for two years. He has his late mom's wedding rings. He always said he would use them if he ever proposed to anyone.

Well, he proposed to me last week. Last night he informed me that he had let his ex-girlfriend of 10 years wear the rings because she loved jewelry. It made me sick to my stomach, and made his proposal not mean anything to me.

I told him it would be like me giving him my ex-husband's wedding band to wear. He doesn't understand because he didn't use them to propose to her, but to me that's beside the point. They were on her hand. [Emphasis in the original.]

I told him he should have given me the option of wearing the rings or having him buy my own set. He thinks I'm just supposed to be OK with this. Am I out of line feeling the way I do? -- TARNISHED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TARNISHED: I don't think so. To say this "guy" lacks sensitivity would be an understatement. Are you sure you actually want to spend the rest of your life with someone so clueless?

When he allowed his former girlfriend to wear his mother's wedding rings "because she loved jewelry" rather than because they were planning to marry, the symbolism of bestowing them vaporized. If you do plan to go through with it, "suggest" he buy you ones or use the stones from his mother's rings in a different setting for a ring you will enjoy wearing rather than feeling like Secondhand Rose (third-hand, actually).

Do you have Patreon?

May. 10th, 2017 10:34 am
thesilentpoet: (64squared - knight)
[personal profile] thesilentpoet posting in [community profile] crowdfunding
Do you have Patreon?

If yes, how do you promote it? I've posted updates via social media, and I get a lot of "likes", a lot of "that's cool you have one", but very few patrons.

What sure find way do you use to get followers/Patrons?
cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
[personal profile] cereta posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
DEAR ABBY: The husbands of both my two daughters asked for my blessing prior to asking my girls to marry them. I felt what they did was respectful and it was very much appreciated. My wife felt the same way when I relayed the good news to her.

I believe this courtesy replaced what in the "olden days" was a request for permission from the father rather than a blessing and, in my opinion, is more appropriate. If I am correct in my assumption that "permission" has evolved to "blessing," I wonder if it would have been more appropriate for them to have asked my wife and me together for our blessing. Your thoughts? -- PROUD PAPA

DEAR PROUD PAPA: Men asked permission of fathers to marry their daughters in "olden days" because the daughters were considered property. They could not marry without their father's consent. Thankfully, those customs are long gone -- in western society, at least. Please stop second-guessing your sons-in-law, who both seem like gems to me. Many couples today forgo the courtesy altogether.

Tags

December 2012

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags