(no subject)

Jul. 8th, 2025 06:01 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Good Job,

I work as a speech therapist. At a family gathering, I noticed my cousin’s near 4-year-old could only say a few words and beg and point for items they wanted. They could only say “juice” or “Pad” and would cry if any other relative tried to engage them in conversation. I asked my aunt if this was normal behavior for the child, and she said yes but that she wasn’t concerned. At nearly 4, a child should be using full sentences of at least three or more words. It is a missed milestone and early intervention is key.

I checked the local school district, and they offer free screenings and testing that my cousin’s child would qualify for. I went to my aunt and suggested that, in my professional opinion, her grandchild might benefit from speech therapy or at least testing to make sure it wasn’t some other underlying problem. It was completely free and I sent her the info. I didn’t go directly to my cousin because I know some parents can be thin-skinned and defensive when it comes to advice from licensed professionals. I had parents rage at teachers for suggesting their kids need glasses because they can’t see the board.

Well, for my troubles, my cousin sent me an awful and barely coherent text telling me I was a busybody; because I don’t have kids, my opinion is worthless; and she is a mother, so she knows all, and especially what is best for her child, who is perfect. I left it alone after that. The problem is that two years later, the child started kindergarten and was diagnosed with a severe speech impediment, and the rationed therapy the school gives hasn’t really helped. My cousin had to enroll her child with a private therapist that her insurance doesn’t cover and it is pretty pricey. I know all this through the grapevine.

Then, at a family event, my aunt and cousin went off on my poor mother about how awful and selfish I am for not volunteering and helping in their hour of need. I never told anyone about the text since I didn’t want drama, but I kept it. Frankly, I am furious. I tried to help, and I thought I was respectful enough by just going to my aunt with the free resources that were available to my cousin. I didn’t press, preach, or accuse. But now, at this late date, they think publicly blaming me and dragging my poor mother into it will work? I am ready to go to war and I have the receipts, should I?

—Not Holding My Tongue


Read more... )

Bee Food Flowers

Jul. 7th, 2025 03:17 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith posting in [community profile] gardening
Scientists’ top 10 bee-magnet blooms—turn any lawn into a pollinator paradise

Botanists from the University of Copenhagen and the UK set out to find the best flower combinations for bees and hoverflies.
Danish and Welsh botanists sifted through 400 studies, field-tested seed mixes, and uncovered a lineup of native and exotic blooms that both thrill human eyes and lure bees and hoverflies in droves, offering ready-made recipes for transforming lawns, parks, and patios into vibrant pollinator hotspots
.


Below are the plants recommended for European and United Kingdom uses...

Read more... )
fox: my left eye.  "ceci n'est pas une fox." (Default)
[personal profile] fox posting in [community profile] agonyaunt

Dear Eric: I am very much enjoying the second time around following a long and less than joyful first marriage. My problem is plans for burial.

All of our children are terribly against our marriage even though both of our spouses were deceased at the time we met. Our children have virtually no relationship with us now and if there is any contact it is ugly.

I have a cemetery plot out of state with my deceased wife. My wife has a local plot with her deceased husband. I would like to get a new plot for the two of us but expect that any such request would receive pushback and be ignored.

My wife’s mother is buried with her second husband using her last name at the time of her death and her father is buried with a subsequent wife so there is precedent for what I want but I know her daughter would require that her mother be buried next to her father.

How do I get what I want?

I have not discussed any of this with my wife. If I did and she brought it up with her daughter the reaction would be for the daughter to express her displeasure by keeping the grandchildren from my wife. She has done that for less. If I am to get a plot, I should do that sooner rather than later as they are in short supply.

While living I would feel great joy if I could know that I could count on being buried beside my wife for all of eternity. Am I being silly to not just take the easy route?

— Burial Conflict

Plans: You have every right to make a burial plan that suits your life and your love. And — this might be controversial — you don’t have to tell your kids. If you have virtually no relationship as it is, you certainly don’t need to bend to their wishes. It seems there’s no pleasing them, anyway.

In general, it’s better to communicate about final wishes and plans for one’s end-of-life in advance. This helps intentions to be understood and gets questions answered while you’re still around to answer them. But the conflict that’s roiling your family complicates things.

Without knowing more about the circumstances of your marriage, I can’t say your kids are completely wrong, but the punishment you mentioned is more than concerning.

Perhaps they’re struggling with acceptance because of unprocessed grief, perhaps there’s something else going on that I’m not privy, too. Either way, the stated conditions dictate that the burial conversation should happen only between you and your wife right now. Once you’re both on the same page, you’ll know what the next step is. That might mean purchasing a joint plot that makes you happy and appointing someone other than one of your kids as executor. (That last part is probably wise regardless.)

There would still be a lot of complications, of course. Namely, one of you will predecease the other and at that point, presumably, the kids would find out the plan. So, while you are working on doing what brings you joy, I’d also encourage you to get down to the root of what’s going on with your kids.

(no subject)

Jul. 4th, 2025 06:24 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Pay Dirt,

I grew up in poverty, where we were always on the edge of eviction. If it wasn’t for school, my siblings and I wouldn’t have eaten. It left a large mark on me. I am much more financially conservative than my husband. I have also been the main breadwinner since we married. We need a cushion before even thinking about kids, it’s really important to me. But my in-laws don’t care!

My sisters-in-law grew up in luxury, graduated with degrees they never used, and married rich. Ever since we got married, they constantly try to pressure us to have kids. When I’ve said we want to be more financially stable, they blow me off and say that “families do it all the time” and that “God will provide.” I have told my mother-in-law and husband how condescending this nonsense is to me. They both said that everyone just wants the “best” for us.

Recently, my sister-in-law started in on me again with her breeding propaganda: How I wasn’t getting any younger (I turned 33 this year); That there “never a perfect time to have a baby;” and how “Divine Providence provides for everyone.” Well I finally lost my temper. I asked her where was God the times I went hungry to give food to my younger siblings? Or how is he providing for starving kids in war zones? She started to cry, so now I am the villain. My in-laws told my husband I need therapy. My reply is that maybe my actual life experience and personhood is worth a drop of empathy, and they should stop treating me like I was a sow at market. How can I get them to realize that not everyone is rich like they are and that some of us do need to save and plan for kids?

—Not Breeding Anytime Soon


Read more... )

(no subject)

Jul. 2nd, 2025 11:38 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Care and Feeding,

Our house sits on a heavily wooded hill, and there isn’t much in terms of street lights—and no sidewalks. Though there are only a few houses on our bend of the road, we get people speeding through. We have new neighbors. The mother’s behavior is going to end in tragedy.

The neighbors have several very small children. The mom, for some unholy reason, thinks nothing of letting them bike in the street. She lets her babies ride around well ahead of her as she strolls leisurely several yards behind. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.

My husband has already had a close call with one of the kids. He was backing out and the toddler zoomed right behind the bumper. Luckily, my husband was paying attention and was fast to put his foot on the brake. Even going as slow as he was, just a few miles per hour, it would have been a tragedy if he hadn’t been alert.

The mother’s reaction was to lay into my husband for not being careful enough! The kicker is that she said her kids have a right to play in the street. (There is a park five blocks away, but that is too far for her to go, apparently.) My husband said it was a bad conversation.

What do we do here? It would haunt me if one of these kids got hit because their mother was too lazy to care.

—Blind Corner


Read more... )

Done

Jul. 1st, 2025 09:36 pm
ceb: (Default)
[personal profile] ceb posting in [community profile] qec
* paid B bills
* emailed re D&D thing
* got work db ~ready for recruitment to start
* Edinburgh organisation
* Edin packing
* melted quite a lot
minoanmiss: Nubian girl with dubious facial expression (dubious Nubian girl)
[personal profile] minoanmiss posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
[Be warned, the the main discussion of the post is s about #3, a letter about a coworker with gastric issues. At least people are being pretty good about labeling their responses. Beyond the ... details... it is fast descending into a fight between proponents and opponents of ableism. Thhs is letter #1] about the ethics of refusing service.Read more... )

July Monthly Post

Jul. 1st, 2025 02:09 am
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith posting in [community profile] crowdfunding
What are your planned crowdfunding projects for June? What did you accomplish during May?

The June [community profile] crowdfunding Creative Jam will run Saturday 19-Sunday 20 with a theme of "Heroism -- Real or Perceived."
 

Rebuilding journal search again

Jun. 30th, 2025 03:18 pm
alierak: (Default)
[personal profile] alierak posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance
We're having to rebuild the search server again (previously, previously). It will take a few days to reindex all the content.

Meanwhile search services should be running, but probably returning no results or incomplete results for most queries.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Annie: I have always felt like the odd one out in my family. I love them deeply, but I cannot ignore the quiet, persistent feeling that I do not quite belong. My two younger brothers, "Tom" and "Michael," are close with each other and with our parents, especially our mom. They talk every day, go on trips together and always seem to be in sync.

I, on the other hand, have always felt different. I was more sensitive, more artistic and more emotional growing up. While they were into sports and fixing things with Dad, I was reading, journaling or off by myself. I was teased for being "too dramatic" or "too much," and I learned early on to keep my feelings to myself.

Now that we are adults, not much has changed. Family group chats often go on without me. I find out about birthdays or get-togethers after the fact. When I try to bring it up gently, I get told I'm imagining things or taking things too personally. My mom says she loves me just as much, but I still feel like I'm standing on the outside looking in.

I want to be part of the family, not just in name but in heart. I want to feel seen, heard and valued -- not like the extra piece that doesn't quite fit. Is there anything I can do to shift this dynamic, or is it time to accept that things may never change? -- Outside in My Family


Annie's advice is better than I would've hoped for )
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
1. DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law had their first child three months ago. This was the first grandchild on both sides. Her mother stayed with her for two weeks after the cesarean birth. I have no issues with that.

My issue is, my son told me I needed to leave when they and the baby came home from the hospital. Mind you, I live 6 1/2 hours away. I fought him to get at least three days when they got home. Then he said I needed to leave, but he never told his father-in-law to leave. Also, on the days I did stay, they asked me to get a motel while her parents stayed with them. I only got to go over during the day.

When I told my son my feelings were hurt, he said I was being a drama queen. I did respect everything they asked. I just want to know if I was wrong for sharing my feelings or should I have remained quiet. It has caused friction between us now. -- SECOND-CLASS IN TENNESSEE


Read more... )

*********


2. DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old son, who is on the spectrum but high-functioning, has left home. He's legally an adult but wouldn't allow me to teach him normal survival skills, such as balancing a checkbook, paying with a debit card, etc. He knows very little about the world; he learns from his online friends.

It has been four months, and he has now changed his phone number and won't call, email or text. He moved across the country to live with an online friend. I'm very concerned about him. What should I do? I don't email him often, but when I do, I just tell him I love him, and I never say anything negative. -- LOST IN CALIFORNIA


Read more... )

(no subject)

Jun. 28th, 2025 03:28 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Care and Feeding,

I just learned my son has been doing something truly vile.

The warmer weather has been back in our area for a little over a month now. Many of our friends and relatives have swimming pools (we do, too). Last weekend, we were at my sister’s place and had been in the pool for a good three hours when it came time to leave. Before we went home, I asked my 7-year-old son, “Noah” if he needed to use the restroom, and he said, “No.”

On the drive back home, I joked that Noah must have a bladder of steel since he’d had no fewer than three iced teas while he was in the pool! Noah replied that no, he just urinated when he was in the pool, so he didn’t have to get out and use the bathroom. I was horrified and asked if this was something he had done before. He said, “All the time.”

I laid down the law with him. I made clear that this was never to happen again. I explained how harmful and disrespectful it was to everyone in the water around him and that it throws the pool chemicals out of balance. Noah agreed not to do it again, but I’m not sure I completely trust him. I got the sense he didn’t seem to think he did anything wrong. What can I do to make sure he keeps his word?

—Parent of a Pool Pisser


Read more... )

Ebook sale, today only, Friday 27th

Jun. 27th, 2025 10:45 am
starwatcher: Western windmill, clouds in background, trees around base. (Default)
[personal profile] starwatcher posting in [community profile] ebooks
 

This one has multiple genres.

Books for sale, mostly $1 to $3

Hit the "Genres" button at the top of the page to narrow your search.

Happy reading!

ETA: Jesse_the_k notes that "This is a meta-search engine, compiling deals from Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google and Kobo." I didn't realize that was note-worthy, but yeah. Whatever platform you use to read, you're covered.

 

Hobbit Time;>!

Jun. 25th, 2025 11:22 am
mdehners: (totoro)
[personal profile] mdehners posting in [community profile] gardening
So, I'm sitting on my porch, smoking a Hobbit/Churchwarden pipe, looking downhill to the TVA reservoir cove we live above, watching the birds and bees. Nice.....
This yr I planted Balsam Impatiens in the elevated beds along the N side of the house. My brother, Bless him's heart was in the right place when he put them in before we moved here but he's basically the anti-gardener. He can grow a lawn and that's about it so he didn't know that the N side of a house limits what you can grow. It'd be perfect for mini Hostas but they'd basically be tv trays for deer! I've had/have plenty of Tiarella/heucheras, Bleeding Hearts, Cyclamen and Columbine so after Spring blooms are a bit scarce. I'd originally planned to plant the Balsams in the E garden but with health issues this yr I wasn't able to go about on my knees so I just stuffed them in where there was space. So far they're Mauve and Lilac the former much more vigorous. The Bumblebees love them, esp the Mauves.
Lost pretty much all Lilies not far in the back of the beds to deer. Don't like the leaves but the blossoms?!?
With all the Rain we had this Spring I've lost about 1/2 my Lavender cultivars. Thankfully, most of those were Lavandins and the more sweet(and edible) angustifolias oddly were the survivors...including one vera from seed!
Unfortunately, with the various health issues and accompanying md visits I've hadn't the time, energy or md clearance(just had a spinal electric pain reliever installed 2 weeks ago) to even spend time smoking my pipe and watching the birds(and for you "woo-folk", Nature Spirits;>), let alone keep my beds up. Thankfully, things are slowed WAY down and starting this week I can do more than I have. Got the front 3 ft of the W front yard bed weeded and gave the Salvias a bit of a late "Chelsey Chop";>.
Slow and easy does it!
Cheers, Pat

Tags

December 2012

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags